Love MeTender

Your image in my mind, your tender touch is divine,
caress me with those lips, those eyes, look me straight to unwind.

My Dear, don't be sorry for how you feel, I feel the same way too, the guilt, the tension, the unexpected suspension.

The feeling you get, when the body and mind separates from the soul, pulls you apart and hangs in between the air like there's a hole there.

Exception of getting it right, getting it perfect, is, will, still, remain an exception.

We are just human my baby love, we are just meant to err.

We are just people my baby love, we are just meant to care.

You are my heart, my love, my everything, my dear, please don't despair.

What makes you the best person to be in love with is; you fail, you fall, you make me hate you, sometimes, but most important of all, when I'm sad, I know I'm not the only one cry, I'm not alone. You are with me.

This post comes a little bit early for V day, but the circumstances had me write this down.

You are the beginning of my future,
you put the thought to mind,
you are the very reason I believe in,
not to give up, not to despair.

Many times have I failed,
may them be the last ones,
because with you, I feel great,
I feel tall, I fell invincible and all.

One mountain I have achieved to climb,
one river I have yet to cross,
with your hand, your heart, your love,
I know my life will be no frost.

Poets come from far, legends came from stories of war,
weakness and strengths, they are just what we're made of, so tell me if you're good, fair, or well that's what they call.

I leave this place, knowing I came out a better person,
I leave this space, knowing I am a stronger man.
I walk away, knowing I have your love in the wind.
My hand in hand, my heart with yours.

I love you my dearest, I love you.

Goodnight.

The Tree that Bares

Yell, scream, shout, you don't hear me.

Whispers, caress your ears, you don't feel me.

My crave for attention is becoming useless.

My worthiness to you is perhaps just like the apple I tasted. Delicious, but rotten dead end.

Oh, promises promises..

Why do I remember everything I want to forget. Can memories be burnt just like paper?

The winds are changing if I don't follow it, I will be destroyed by it.

Somethings, especially you, so delicate, yet sharp.

You tear my heart that deep. I'm not cliche but I bleed.

Sooner

Sooner than later, someone's going to know the truth. Be it a secret, a plan or a story. My prediction is you can't die with the truth, it will come out. When, time will tell. My guess is as good as yours.

Even when the night starts to twirl into morning, the light dawning, it feels kind of dark. Strange, I feel this lonely like. This quiet.

I imagine it would be hard, to live a life full of noise, not music, noise. Somehow everything is sound isn't it. Isn't it noise if you don't understand it?

It used to be lost. Hard cold feeling of lost in my heart, it seeps right into my stomach, making it painful to swallow. But now, it's not lost. I feel, it's confusion.

This life I live, full of questions I want answered.

"What's install for me tomorrow?"

"Is my future ok?"

"Perhaps how I feel is ok?"

Questions, questions, sitting on a fence.

Push it either way, it falls. I don't know which side it'll end.

I heard this band play, a Malay song. One of its verse goes something like this, " Hidup.. Kita mencari-cari."

I was thinking, yeah, as long as I don't get lost yea. If not, shit, I'm back to sq 1.

Nice song, though I couldn't understand the other parts to it. But I'm sure it's the solution or thought for the question itself.

New year is coming. So, cling you glass, and ho ho ho the night away.

My life nothing serious, if I die, I doubt it solve the financial woes my mum has over my education fees. If die, I die.

No, I DON'T want to die. obviously. I think, hope it will not be so insignificant as I imagined.

I think change is hard. Especially for me. I think I'm a guy in some ways. My testosterone exceeds my woman-hormones. Stubborn.

Oh, let me play! I want to ease the pain!

Good luck.

ACT, actually

4pm till now.. I'm playing games on facebook. I am, bored. I am, very bored till my wits end.

Even my mum is out.

I don't want to go out, but I want to be entertained.

I want you here. I want your attention, your affection, your love.

I'm not like them all, I don't say it right. I doubt I'll ever get it right. My words so kind and gentle, but their not precise. I can't ask for something by saying it loud.

I'm weird. Tie me.

Hai

12 weeks of Christmas

SIP is over. Finally.

I survived. And prevailed. I can tell you that I have learnt a lot and that I've matured. It's like hormone growth pills. Only, I physically went through it.

12 weeks later..

Bang!

I'm the new resilient Dhar. Whoots.

Over the months, I think it's easy to make friends. When you have something in common, you easily get along. I pretty much have develop the same syndrome as my friend "G" (that's not his real name). Gain friends like breathing, lose them like water. I tried to change. I did. I tried contacting them as often as possible. I try email/msn/sms/calling etc. But to no avail. It's not like we've broken up, no. It's like you just fade away.

I think the main problem is, I like being myself. I like walking to the canteen alone, going to school alone. Taking the MRT alone. I like watching tv alone. I like sleeping alone. I like shopping alone. (Strange right.) I like clubbing alone. (This is because, even if I go with a bunch of people, I end up going home first because I get sleepy. And, I don't easily get drunk. And I hate beer. So, there's a limited amount of $ i can spent on liquor.) I like watching movies alone too. At the end of it all, I like doing alone-things.

This eccentric syndrome does not affect my relationship with my boyfriend. (Thank God!)

Other than him, I really like standing at the bus stop alone.

This DOESN'T MEAN I hate having friends. I love having crowd. Just maybe not as much as other people love it.

So, Christmas has come and pass early for me this year. I don't wish for presents or gifts at all this year.. I just like people looking happy and merry and joyous. (Bring out the Vodka!) Haha. Oh! Well, all that goes well, must end well.

It's raining here in Singapore like crazy. Hope my unit doesn't get flooding again.

I miss my nanny in Aussie.

I really think we need a vacay darling.